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The “Germ Factories” Always Win

November 10, 2012

Having raised no kids, I guess I have a rather naive perspective of young children. I pretty much see them as naive toddlers, experimenting with everything with busy, tiny fingers and wide eyes looking at everything with curiosity. I’m not around them much when they are being bratty or take a dump in their diapers.

However, there is one time each year, for the last few years, where I have been a very intimate victim of one aspect of childhood about which I have been warned, but I never remember at the critical time, Halloween. As a natural part of growing up healthy and strong, kids have to develop immunities to all the common diseases. They do this by collecting and trading any and all stray germs that might be floating around. Simply, they become prolific and public germ factories.

Every Halloween, the town of Los Gatos closes off a couple of attractive streets in the Almond Grove to let the germ factories run wild and berserk and amuck, to affix their tiny microbes to everything, everywhere. Especially in the houses of their parents and grand parents, who, in league with the germ factories, invite us childless and naive residents to parties, pot lucks and wine tastings to become victims of at least one or two of the nasty pestilences which the children are attempting to promote.

For the first few years of going to these parties, Halloween night would come and I would look at these devious germ factories, all dolled up in their costumes, which are just so cute and cuddly and stupidly accept and eat the candy they offer to you, as it was offered to them, legally, on the street by other conspiring adults. Holy Toledo! Disease and despair was inevitable.

You are allowed the grace period, the insidious 36 hour incubation period, while you go on about your business feeling just fine and being totally disarmed. Then, BAM, body aches, creaky joints, the sore throat, OMG!!! What’s next? Whooping cough, measles, sinus infections, or even, the dreaded diarrhea? Who knows what’s next, but the germ factories were a success, once more.

While I am usually not a costume wearing sort of guy, this year I went to Almond Grove dressed as a germ factory resistor; each hand covered with three layers of surgical gloves, a large, “biologically safe” gas mask covering my face along with an impermeable “environment suit” which completely distorted my usually slim, girlish figure. The 36 hours passed and I did notice a few symptoms, but my precautions paid off. No illness! So, of course, I dropped my guard. After all, we are heading into the holidays. It only took a couple of parties and one late night at Number One Broadway, and WHAM BAM!!!!, a very nasty, full blown “make your head explode” sinus infection. I thought my teeth were going to shoot out of my mouth as my jaw got so distorted from the sinus pressure.

Well, I got past the infection but now my gums are all swelled up from the scurvy caused by all the vitamin C that was leached out of my system. That too will pass, but no more Halloweens. It just ain’t worth it.


But here is one holiday party you guys don’t to miss. My illness kept me too foggy to even open up my emails so this announcement is a little tardy but if you could make it to the new “Frank” location, give it a try. Kristy always does stuff in an interesting and unique way. Check it out:

The new location is where the Yoga shop used to be, between the Post Office and Le Boulanger.  The old shack next to the Bank of America is now empty.




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